Becoming a parent during Covid-19: Psychiatrist mom shares some insights

So many moms-to-be are currently wondering how to deal with all the Covid-19 challenges whilst expecting their new little humans. I was blessed to have as a client Professor Renata Schoeman, who happens to not only be a wonderful psychiatrist, but also a mother to a baby born during our national lockdown. She was kind enough to share some insights into what to expect as you venture forward in the coming months of your pregnancy, as well as the early stages of motherhood during a world-wide pandemic.

Even though Renata and I met to thoroughly plan the coverage of her birth story months in advance (even preparing for a few different outcomes, because let’s face it - birth is unpredictable, and I always like to do a walk through with my prospective clients so that they are comfortable in knowing that I work around the story that unfolds), we could not have prepared for what the lockdown would bring. Thank you Covid-19…

We were robbed of the opportunity to photograph Renata’s maternity session at home, as we had previously planned. Renata also went into hospital with complications and delivered via an emergency c-section 7 weeks earlier than planned, due to pre-eclampsia.  Only when our lockdown restrictions were eased to Level 3, did Renata and I manage to get our first shoot in of her absolutely adorable baby boy. By then, he was already quite a few weeks old. Needless to say, we managed to capture his tiny spirit all the same.

Renata has kindly agreed to share her expertise and insights from a psychological standpoint on mothers who are having to change their delivery plans during this unprecedented time. She gives advice on how they can manage and ride this wave of change so that they can still enjoy and celebrate this wonderfully special time with their newborns, without finding themselves completely overwhelmed.

In speaking with Renata, she mentions how Covid-19 adds to the normal stress and anxiety that pregnant women experience. Going through extra precautions of diligent hand washing, sanitising, social distancing, along with the uncertainty of the future is certainly a challenge.

An additional feeling of loss is present: The realisation that you won’t be able to have a maternity shoot; plans for celebrating your last trimester with family and friends are cancelled; a structured plan of preparation for the final weeks of your pregnancy are whipped out from underneath you; the fear that your partner may not be able to attend the birth. Many women also arrange to have their mom with them as they transition from child to being a parent themselves, which might not now be possible. These are all HUGE factors of added stress to an already stressed expectant mom, brought on by the implications of the pandemic.

The importance of having her mom involved during this time was a huge loss for Renata. “Being a Doctor and having all the knowledge you can have doesn’t prepare you for being a mom.” Renata says. 

Renata’s mom waited 17 days before she could meet her first grandchild, missing out on being close to Renata as she found her feet as a parent.

It’s a big moment and something so special that gets shifted and changed, holding those feelings of sadness and acknowledging them is going to help you move through them and embrace the reality of how it did happen and less of how you thought it would happen. Understanding that the people around you are missing out and feeling sadness along with you.

The fluctuations of Rules and Regulations are sure to wreak havoc on your stress tolerance and your normal ability to manage your emotions . One day no partner is allowed, the next one partner is allowed at birth. The uncertainty and the stress of just not knowing whether you will have to birth alone is again one of the greatest factors of stress during this time. 

The sister and nursing staff are so important during this time, as they become your support while you are without any loved ones. One must also just keep in mind that with Covid comes more regulations for the staff to follow. You have find a balance in managing your own normal anxiety and concerns as a new parent, combined with an understanding that Covid adds more stress on top of that - on you and the nursing staff around you too.

We must bear in mind the normal reaction to an abnormal situation. Being aware of the mental impact during this time is important and in no way should it be neglected or pushed aside.

Renata advises to create contingency plans: Isolation and physical distancing needs to be pre-empted. Create a Plan B for yourself if your partner or your mother cannot be there with you. Make sure that your phone is charged, stay connected to your loved ones and still share your journey with those closest to you. Even if you are alone, know that you can still share this experience with your parents, siblings and closest friends. Do not feel that physical distancing is taking away your sense of closeness.

Renata advises to check in with yourself too. Frustration and powerlessness has a way of edging in. Focus your sense of self, and be careful to distinguish between normal baby-blues and something more serious. Speak to your doctors so that you can put your mind at ease.

It is also important to acknowledge the additional fear that is present during this time. “What if my baby gets sick? What if I get sick? How will I care for my baby?” Having to deal with the increased feelings of guilt that may come with that. “Why couldn’t I keep my baby safe?” Often, guilt is a huge feeling that comes along with being a mom. If something goes wrong we feel guilty. With Covid around, these questions and anxieties are magnified so much more.

With this world-wide pandemic, many unknowns arise and we are often left feeling completely uncertain and helpless. Know that reaching out for help as soon as possible and acknowledging your emotions openly will serve you well. Keep strong through all these emotions you are embarking on and remember that you are not alone…